Hi Gaels,
I’m so happy that spring is here. I don’t know what I would do if the weather stayed cold and harsh and I had to trudge through snow and slush to get to class.
While I do tend to focus on academic content when I write these blogs, life got in the way on this one. My mind hasn’t been concentrating on school lately, and there are several reasons why that is:
- Senioritis is hitting hard. I only have a few more weeks left of school, and I have several events that mark the end of my academic journey, really soldifying that I’ll be finished with school soon.
- I have been experiencing extremely severe eczema on my face, neck, and arms. My skin has been burning like it’s on fire for the last couple of months, and itches like crazy. The eczema around my eyes makes it look like I’ve been crying for five hours straight, and having severe eczema in general has made it difficult to want to leave my apartment and have anyone see me or risk an hour of dry skin. I feel like I’ve tried so many lotions and supplements, but nothing has been successful yet. I can’t control it, and it feels debilitating.
- The biggest reason, though, is that I received the news that my boyfriend of three years may be moving to New York for a job immediately after we come back from our graduation trip, while I’ll be moving to Toronto. Dealing with the emotions, the grief, and the sudden change of plans has been draining. We had a solid plan to go to Toronto and many goals together, and having that suddenly ripped away left a lot of pieces to be picked up. There is now a huge blank in the next few years of my life, and I haven’t felt this uncertain in a long time.
Recently, I’ve found myself spending a lot of time sitting and thinking. I always try to think everything through before doing anything, which takes a lot of time and brainpower. Feeling the certainty of graduating and the uncertainty of my post-grad future is strange—I want to feel happy and cherish the people I’ve met in university, but I also want to cry because everything’s changing, and I don’t feel like I have it in me to plan everything out. Despite so much sitting and thinking, I don’t see a clear path or answer.
Usually I’m the person providing advice or an opinion, but between the eczema and uncertainty of my future, I’ve felt powerless for the past few weeks.
I feel lost and unmotivated (and extremely itchy), and while I write this blog, I don’t really have solutions that I can share with you. I’ve been leaning heavily on my friends and bathing in their empathy, and I know I should get back on my feet and start tackling my problems head on, but it’s hard. I’m just taking it one day at a time.
If my friend was ever in the same situation as me and asked for advice on how get back on their feet, I would tell them to take baby steps and write down three top priorities a day, and only focus on one of them, if they can’t do all three. I would tell them to call their friends and parents for support and advice on the next steps. I would tell them to be easy on themselves because time heals many wounds, and I would tell them that they’re strong. The last thing I would tell them is that when they get back on their feet, and move forward, everything else will fall into place. They don’t need to plan everything to perfection. They just need a general direction on where to go, a desire to get there, and an open mind.
Of course, I understand that everything is easier said than done. I am working through my emotions at a snail’s pace and often feel like I’m going in circles. I’m not comforted by many things right now, but the idea that time will pass and things will change often makes me feel better.
Whether you’re struggling through school or personal issues, try to focus on what you can control. For all the things that you can’t, acknowledge that you cannot control it, and let time heal you.
Next blog will be my last blog of my academic career and will round off my last five years at Queen’s. It’s been an incredible journey of growth. I wonder what will have changed by then, too.
Best,
Liyi